Fallout: Equestria - Frenetic Pipeworks (re-pending)

[Rippedshadow]

Due to several circumstances, general unwillingness and lack of inspiration, and severe flaws in my current story form, I've come to a conclusion.

I'm completely rewriting this story. Ground up. Characters will be the same, general plot is similar, but honestly, what I have now is pretty bad. Don't expect anything soon.
(Aplogies to Kashin, Ethan, and Dina from the Gdocs, I made you guys review chapters that were later thrown out.)


(OLD CHAPTER)
Chapter 1: https://docs.google.com/document/pub?id ... rfmWOyFV34 (still proofreading, mostly done, thanks Kashin!)
Chapter 2: In proofreading stage. Raw document: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1eHl ... Ru8Rc/edit

[Kashin]

If you need a pre-reader I could give it a go. I can be a bit on the brutal side, but better to take flack when you can do something about it right?

[Rippedshadow]

Fine by me, any review as long as it doesn't wind up being nothing but insults is welcome.

[The Jack]

Fine by me, any review as long as it doesn't wind up being nothing but insults is welcome.

A good prereader does not insult at all. (S)he gives constructive critic.
To illustrate the difference;

Insult: "THis is shit, should be written differently"
Constructive critic: "This should be better, and here's how you do it..."

Also, I might read this story. My own maincharacter is a "wrench wench", so it might be intersting to see if it's the same concept. And if it is, to see how you've done it.

[Rippedshadow]

The title needs work, since it does not match the character at all, other then "This is his name".

I was tossing chapter titles around, and depending on how I end it, I might change the title.

Also, for those familiar with the Fallout 1 & 2 traits, bloody mess is attached to my character at the start. Slightly differently then how it is in-game, but similar. ("Those around you seem to die in more violent, and/or painful ways then normal, friend and foe alike.")

[Kashin]

okay, give Kashin1701d@yahoo.com comment privileges and I will give it a run through later this evening.

[Rippedshadow]

Aw futs, I turned public commenting off? Aw well. Not sure if I can do that on a mobile device, but I'll give it a go.

[Nightmare Luna]

Fine by me, any review as long as it doesn't wind up being nothing but insults is welcome.

I can't see you getting any insult's from anyone here. We are all wiling to help.

Adding this to my "To-Read" list, so wil give a review when I get to it.

[Rippedshadow]

I have a habit of being really cautious when entering a forum for the first time. But, so far, this has is pretty much smack dab in my comfort zone.

Also, on chapter 2, I've been having a bit of writers block, I still make progress, just not as fast as I hoped. I still might need to make a prologue chapter too.

[The Jack]

I have a habit of being really cautious when entering a forum for the first time. But, so far, this has is pretty much smack dab in my comfort zone.

Also, on chapter 2, I've been having a bit of writers block, I still make progress, just not as fast as I hoped. I still might need to make a prologue chapter too.

Writers block; the bane of all writers. xD